Posted by: jockmackenzie | July 23, 2009

Speaking – Joke Telling #2

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WITH EACH “JOKE TELLING” ENTRY, I AM INCLUDING A PICTURE FROM MY COLLECTION OF SIGNS OR SCENES THAT STRUCK MY FUNNY BONE. I’M ALWAYS ON THE LOOKOUT FOR FUNNY SAYINGS ON STUDENT T-SHIRTS AND THIS IS THE FIRST IN A SERIES OF T-SHIRT HUMOR. WHEN I HAVE POSTED A CLASS SET OF SUITABLE JOKES, I WILL EXPLAIN THE PROCEDURE I USE TO GET KIDS TO DO SOME “PUBLIC SPEAKING” ON A SMALL SCALE. THIS WILL NOT INVOLVE STANDING BEFORE THE ENTIRE CLASS.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was a village in Europe. Just outside the village was a monastery inhabited by a very strange group of monks. Within the monastery walls was a botanical garden filled with exotic plants. One plant was a man-eating plant.

As it turned out, the fanatical monks conspired to rid the nearby village of all its children. Pretending to throw a party, they invited all of the youngsters from the village to attend. Once all the children had arrived, the monks locked them in the botanical garden where they were soon eaten by the man-eating plant.

When the townspeople heard the tragic news, they were dismayed and heartbroken. Unfortunately, they were all wimps and were afraid to do anything about what had happened. Only one man in the village had any strength and courage and this was Hugh the blacksmith. When Hugh heard of the disaster, he became enraged and stormed up to the monastery. He tore down the big wooden gate, rushed into the monastery, throttled each of the monks with his bare hands, and proceeded into the botanical garden. Using his great strength, he ripped up all of the plants, including the man-eating plant, and shredded them to bits.

The moral of this story is simply this: Hugh and only hugh can prevent florist friars.

* * *

Four golf buddies were out golfing one Saturday morning for their regular weekend game. One of the foursome, whose name was George, was particularly thoughtless about the feelings of others, and was a bit of a jerk. He talked while others were lining up their putts, never replaced his divots, littered the course with chocolate bar wrappers, and so on.

On this particular day, the group had reached the 12th tee box and George was preparing to hit his drive. The 12th hole ran alongside a road in the town. Just as George was in the middle of his backswing, he noticed a long funeral procession proceeding along the roadway beside the hole. He stopped abruptly in mid swing, took off his golf cap, stood at attention, and bowed his head in respect.

Needless to say, his three golf buddies were surprised and amazed at this unusual act of politeness. One of them turned to George just after the funeral procession had passed and remarked, “That was very thoughtful of you, George. You’re a much nicer guy than I thought you were. I’m proud of the way you acted.”

“Oh, it’s no big deal,” replied George. “Come to think of it, we would have been married 17 years next week.”


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