Posted by: jockmackenzie | July 29, 2009

Speaking – Joke Telling #5

DSCF0651_1

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, each Joke Telling entry will begin with a photo of something that tickled my funny bone. This picture was taken in Scotland and struck me as funny because the idea of the Canadian Dollar Store is, apparently, universal. (or vice versa) I didn’t get a picture of a store down the street whose sign read “Thistle Do For Now.”

IT ISN’T NECESSARY TO PROVIDE ONE JOKE PER STUDENT. MANY ARE ABLE TO FIND JOKES AT HOME. IN FACT, I WOULD MUCH PREFER THAT THE STUDENT ASK AT HOME ABOUT GETTING AN APPROPRIATE JOKE TO BRING TO SCHOOL. “APPROPRIATE” CAN BE A PROBLEM SO A BRIEF DISCUSSION ON THAT TOPIC IS REQUIRED. I HAVE FOUND IT HELPS TO OFFER TO HEAR JOKES IN ADVANCE IF THERE SEEMS TO BE ANY QUESTION AS TO SUITABILITY.

A Newfoundland fisherman came across a motorcycle gang who had camped on the beach near his home. He was impressed by their shiny bikes with the high handlebars, the leather outfits with all the insignia, and the carefree attitude they seemed to have.

One night, as the gang sat around a campfire, the fisherman walked up and asked to speak to the gang leader. He told him he wanted to become a biker. The gang leader growled, “Ye gotta be one tough hombre to be biker. What makes you think you’re man enough?”

The fisherman laughed. “Tough? Everyday on the sea is a battle to survive. Why just last week, I was out fishin’ in twelve foot waves about a mile offshore. A monster wave struck and washed me overboard. A shark appeared and attacked me. The brute bit off my left arm. I managed to grab an oar and I killed the beast by whackin’ ‘im with three mighty swings – using only me good right arm. I pulled my left arm out his bloody jaws, then crawled back in the boat and sewed my useless limb back on using a rusty hook and some old fishin’ line. No anaesthetic! The oar had floated away so I jumps back into the ocean and swims the mile back to shore. Is that tough enough?”

The leader of the biker gang was totally impressed. “Yeah,” he replied, “I’d say that was tough enough. You’re in man!”

The fisherman beamed with pleasure and gave the leader the two thumbs up sign.

P7260078_2

* * *

A farmer had two horses – and he had a problem. He couldn’t tell the two horses apart. He tried painting a big red circle on the side of one horse and a big red X on the other one. This worked for a while but the horses rolled in dirt, got rained on, rubbed against the rail fence and soon the paint wore off.

Next, the farmer braided the mane of one horses and braided the tail of the other horse. Again, for a while, he could tell which horse was which. But, as with the paint, the braids didn’t last.

For a third try, the farmer cut off one horse’s mane and even cut quite a bit off the horse’s tail. This too failed as eventually the mane and tail grew back.

Finally, the farmer found something that worked. He measured the height of both horses and discovered that the white one was six inches taller than the black one.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: