Posted by: jockmackenzie | August 8, 2009

Speaking – Joke Telling #10

P5150002I saw this sign in Nanton, Alberta and thought it was great. I wonder if the owner had a language arts teacher who appreciated puns. Puns have been called the lowest form of humor, but growing up in our house, they were revered.

I AM GOING TO QUIT ADDING JOKES WHEN I GET TO #15 – A POINT WHERE 31 JOKES WILL HAVE BEEN OFFERED, ENOUGH FOR MOST CLASSES TO PROVIDE ONE JOKE PER STUDENT. I MENTIONED EARLIER THAT I PREFER TO LET STUDENTS FIND AND BRING THEIR OWN JOKES. EXPERIENCE HAS SHOWN THERE ARE POTENTIAL PROBLEMS INVOLVED IN THAT PROCESS. THE  MOST OBVIOUS PROBLEM IS THE INAPPROPRIATE JOKE. I ASK KIDS TO WRITE OUT THEIR JOKES AND GET A PARENT SIGNATURE. WE ALL KNOW THAT SOME PARENTS WILL SIGN ANYTHING SHOVED IN FRONT OF THEM. OFTEN THE ITEM ISN’T READ  – IT JUST GETS SIGNED – AND THAT’S EVEN MORE LIKELY TO HAPPEN IF THE PARENT IS SIGNING SOMETHING IN A CHILD’S HANDWRITING.

A recent scientific study was done as to the migratory habits of male deer in southern Ontario. Scientists believed that the male deer once migrated as far south as Florida. No sightings had been made so they got a government grant and set about tagging the deer with electronic devices and hiring pilots to follow the herds of deer and observe them from above.

Sure enough, the herds did not make it to Florida. In fact, many of the deer only got as far south as the state of New York, Connecticut, and Ohio.

The scientific community was puzzled and did not understand why the male deer had changed their ways. Unable to explain why it was happening they shrugged and said, “We can’t really explain it but the facts are clear – A buck doesn’t go as far these days.”

* * *

There was a doctor who often worked until the wee hours of morning. When he finally finished at the hospital, he often stopped at a nearby bar for one Almond Daiquiri. Dick, the fellow who tended the bar on the night shift, got to know the doctor and knew that he always ordered the same drink.

Whenever the doctor came in, all he had to do was to nod at Dick who immediately would set to work preparing the Almond Daiquiri. Dick enjoyed preparing the drink, he liked to help soothe the doctor’s nerves after a tough night at the hospital, and he particularly liked the big tip he always got from the doctor.

One night, Dick discovered he was out of almonds. He searched and searched but all he could find was a package of hickory nuts. He didn’t know what else to do so he substituted hickory nuts for almonds and took the doctor his drink.

After one sip, the doctor looked at the bartender in surprise and said, “Why this isn’t an almond daiquiri, Dick!”

The bartender replied, “No, it’s a Hickory Daiquiri, Doc.”


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