Posted by: jockmackenzie | August 12, 2009

Speaking – Joke Telling #12

Picture of ClockTELLING A JOKE REQUIRES MORE THAN MERELY SAYING THE WORDS. I HAVE ADDED A SHORT AUDIO (CUZ LISTENING TO THIS JOKE IS THE ONLY WAY TO EFFECTIVELY TELL IT) TO ILLUSTRATE MY POINT.

Click the “start arrow” below to hear the audio of THE SECRET OF TELLING JOKES:

* * *

A Lower Slobbovian pilot was flying a 747 filled with passengers when engine trouble occurred. He only had minutes to find a landing spot and he was nowhere near a major airport. With the assistance of his co-pilot, he found a small airport that serviced a small town. It was obvious that the airstrip was meant to handle only small aircraft – but he had no choice.

“I’m takin’ her down,” announced the pilot.

The pilot dropped out of the sky like a bag thrown from a cliff. As he touched down, he and his co-pilot did everything in their power to bring the huge jet to a stop – full flaps, full brakes. There was a sudden jolt and the smell of burning rubber as the tires screeched across the runway.

When the plane finally came to a stop, the front wheel slowly dropped off the edge of the tarmac and onto the dirt of a farmer’s field. The pilot turned to his co-pilot and sighed, “That is the shortest runway I have ever seen in my entire life.”

Then, as he looked to his left and to his right, he added, “But, man, is it ever wide!”

* * *

A young priest, whose parish was out in the country, was fortunate to have a beautiful old church. It was reasonably small but it had a tall spire that reached up into the heavens and could be seen for miles. The beautiful old church was in need of paint, so the priest asked for help from the bishop in the city.

Times were tough but the bishop did manage to send a number of gallons of white paint – and the young priest set to work. He started at the bottom and worked his way up. As he reached the spire, he realized he did not have enough paint so he did what he thought was reasonable – he thinned the remaining gallon with turpentine. This trick made it possible for him to finish the job. He just hoped no one would notice.

As luck would have it, the moment the young priest climbed down from the spire, up drove the bishop. The two men stood back and looked at the young priest’s paint job. The young priest could tell from the look on the bishop’s face that he was not pleased.

The bishop held his gaze on the church spire for an extra long time, then turned to the young priest, shook his head, and said, “Re-paint and thin no more.”

* * *

Click the “start arrow” below to hear the audio of THE COLORFUL PHONE CALL:

How do you make a telephone call out of green, yellow, black, pink?


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